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Rob Ferre - What's Your Social Capital? - Alan Berg, CSP - Wedding Business Solutions PodcastRob Ferre – What’s Your Social Capital?

I was at a conference and needed help bringing in supplies for my trade show booth from my car to the expo center. So, I rang up my friend Rob Ferre, and minutes later 6 people were carrying my supplies a long way to my booth. That’s an example of Social Capital, and Rob suggested that we have a conversation this for you. So, what is social capital, or social currency, and what is yours? Listen to this episode to find out.

About Rob:

Rob Ferre is an entertainer, speaker, DJ, and game show host from Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. He founded his entertainment company Life of the Party in 2007 after training for 3 years in the family entertainment capital of the world, Orlando Florida. Where he worked for Disney, Universal Studios, and Nickelodeon as a game show host and DJ. He has been speaking to and entertaining audiences for over 20 years. He is one of the most sought-after speakers in the wedding and event industry. Over the last three years Rob has spoken to audiences live in Italy, Armenia, Dubai, and all over the continental United States. In the last year, he has presented to over 100 audiences virtually. During the 2020 season, he was the Halftime Game Show Host for the NBA’s Utah Jazz. Rob is a proud member of the Wedding Industry Professionals Association, American Disc Jockey Association, and the National Speakers Association where he serves as the Past President of NSA Mountain West.

Links: RobFerre.com

IG: @RobFerre

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– Social capital. What is it? How do you use it? Do you need it? I don’t know, these are bunch of questions. Listen to this episode you’re going to find out. Hey, it’s Alan Berg. Welcome back to another episode of “The Wedding Business Solutions” podcast. I am so happy to have my friend Rob Ferre back on with me today. Hey, Rob.

– Hey, thank you for bringing me back. Longtime fan, second time guest.

– There you go, there you go. And longtime friend too.

– Yes.

– So, this topic actually you brought up, Rob.

– Yes.

– Let’s set the scene for them. We’re at the Photo Booth Expo, Mobile Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. I needed to get my supplies from the front curb, to the exposition area without going through the loading dock because they charge an arm and a leg to bring in what isn’t a lot of stuff over there. And I said, “All right, I need all hands on deck. Who do I know inside? Hey, Rob’s inside. Maybe Rob’s got some people around him.” I called Rob and said, “Hey Rob, could you get me some hands and come on down here?” And next thing I know there’s five people at the car and one trip, boom, we’re all in there. And again, thank you very much for that.

– My pleasure.

– And the next thing Rob is like, “Hey, we should do an episode on Social Capital.” So two months later or whatever it is, we’re doing an episode on social capital. So this was your idea which I love this.

– Yes.

– Let’s talk about this. What is social capital?

– Yeah, so to explain it, also you didn’t say that it was like about a 10, 15 minute walk from the curb to the Expo Hall, which was deep inside the bowels of this hotel?

– Well, it’s a casino, so you can’t get anywhere without going through the casino.

– Exactly. Through smoke and noise and whatever it may be. And I use the term social capital, I also call it Social Currency. And as we’re walking up, I’m saying, “Alan, this couldn’t have happened if people didn’t know who you were and liked you.” If somebody says, “Alan, needs your help.” People are like, “Where can I go, where do I sign up? How do I make this happen?” If I’m walking down the hallway and I say, “Hey, I need your help.” “Well, what’s it for?” Well, there’s this guy… “Well, I’ve got to go see the seminar” “It’s for Alan Berg.” “Well, yeah, Alan’s done so much for me, I’d love to help him.” And that’s where it came from. And I said to you, “I don’t think if you didn’t have the social currency, or the renowned name or the respect, we couldn’t have gotten as many people as we did.” Maybe, maybe not. But I thought, just because of your relationships with all the people in the industry, they were happy to help and drop what they were doing.

– And they certainly did. Let me just tell you folks here, we had so many people come down and help that I was able to park the car and I didn’t carry anything in. I mean, that’s what happened here, which my herniated discs really appreciated also. So I do appreciate that. So social currency, social capital, I think again, interchangeable terms as far as I’m concerned here.

– Exactly.

– And how does one develop this? Is this an organic thing or is this something you can actively try to develop?

– I would say both.

– Okay.

– If you try and force it, people know that you are being insincere. I think the most important thing is do it organically and authentically. Because that’s what you did. And I’ll tell you where that social capital starts for me and what you do at events. When you’re a speaker, Alan is primarily a speaker, but for those of you in the wedding and event industry, are you that person that is approachable, friendly, and authentic, and people want to approach. So the first time we ever had dinner was at the Las Vegas DJ Show, probably back in like 2013, I can’t remember. And I saw you down in the lobby. And you came down the elevator, I’m talking with my friend Alex Reyes and you said to the both of us, “Do you want to go out to dinner?” And it blew us away. Two just regular dudes, just having a conversation. We had no real gravitas about us, I don’t know. We just weren’t big deals at the time, right? And so we were like, “How is the main stage speaker wanting to go out to dinner with us? Why isn’t he seeking out some people that maybe he could leverage their relationships for more opportunities, right?” Does that make sense?

– Yeah.

– So you didn’t do that, you didn’t look at us as a social transaction. You looked for us as a social interaction and getting to know us on a more human authentic basis.

– And what you described is my brand. Because my brand is such that, I don’t look at people as opportunities, I look at them as people. And what happened there was, I came down the elevator, I see some people that are from the conference. I was hungry. I don’t want to eat alone. There’s a great book called, “Never Eat Alone.”

– “Never Eat Alone.”

– And we’ll talk about that. And so I came down and I see a couple of people. Okay, you looked familiar, right? From the conference, maybe you had your name tag on or whatever. And I’m like, I look around, “Hey, who is there to have dinner with? Hey, come on, let’s go have dinner.” And my brand is that approachability. My brand is, and I think you know this very well Rob, because we’ve shared stages so many times. I’m the same guy on stage and off, right?

– Yeah.

– It’s just me, there’s no persona, there’s no getting on, “Hey, it’s Alan now on stage are you going to…” There’s none of that. And I also love what you said before about I’m looking for like, who’s the best person here that I can go leverage for whatever. I don’t think about people that way. I think everybody’s an opportunity. But the opportunity isn’t necessarily monetary. The opportunity is to get to know someone and to learn about their issues.

– Real connection.

– Well, I get my topics for podcasts and speaking and books from people, real people. And then that became a friendship with you and me and Alex. And that to me was the best value that I got out of that. And yes, have you helped me, have I helped you? Yeah, but I think the organic part of that was, I didn’t do it saying, seven years from now, 10 years from now, Rob’s going to help me carry stuff in.

– Yeah.

– That was the furthest thing from my mind is I’m going to ask you to carry stuff in over there. But at the same token, I can call you, you can call me, you and your lovely wife and me and my lovely wife went around San Francisco and we had lunch and we had dinner. Really all because of that.

– Yeah. And I can think of three different things really quickly, when you talk about this. One of the most beloved people in Tennessee, her name is Dolly Parton. And if you know Dolly, she’s a big deal. But she has a park called Dollywood. And we’ve been to Dollywood and we’ve talked to people, the cast members, whoever works there, and they talk about when she comes to the park, she has to have a handler with her because she will just talk and talk and engage those people. She doesn’t go, “Stop, I got to keep going here. I have something really important to do, I’m the big deal.” She has her handlers say, “Dolly, we need to get going.” But she wants to connect with the people that are at the park. And they say it’s sincere and she’s authentic. And she wants to engage with the people that work with her company. And so, that’s one thing that I think of. Also have you ever met, somebody that you revered, or maybe a hero or somebody that you looked up to, could be a television person, maybe somebody within your industry, and you met them off that stage or off of their dais whatever that may be. And they were different. And when that happens, it’s just your whole perception of that person goes down. And that’s the great thing about Alan, you are the same person onstage and offstage. And then the last story speaking of Tennessee, we were going to dinner one night, we were at a conference for DJs. It was called “ARM DJ.” And I remember somebody calling you, and you put them on speakerphone, and it was just fascinating to hear how you helped solve their problem. They were in a panic. We won’t go into the situation, but you took the time right before dinner, and we were on the phone for about 20 minutes. And you were helping him solve his problem. You didn’t blow him off, you didn’t look at it like “Oh, dear, it’s so and so.” Whenever you call Alan, if you have Alan’s number, he’ll usually answer. And that’s always refreshing as well.

– Yeah, I don’t have people, I don’t have handlers. And I thank you for all that Rob. And I remember that, us sitting in the car and it was a problem where an older couple, a couple of maybe in their 60s was getting married and the groom ends up dying the week of the wedding. Did they give all the money back, did they not give the money back, and somebody’s hair was on fire.

– Yes.

– Yeah. But the opposite of that is something that I remember where there is someone that has a famous wedding and event planner. I mean, they do celebrity weddings, big, big dollar weddings and stuff like that. And I remember many times being at conferences where this person could be the number one headliner, and I might be the number two headliner. And I would be talking to them at a social event. So we’re standing there with a drink in our hand and they’d be standing right in front of me, but they’d be looking around the room while they’re talking to me. And you know that they’re scanning for the better opportunity. And it would be literally like “Alan, I love what you’re doing. It’s absolutely fantastic, it’s great.” And their head is moving around those of you who are not watching this video, their head is moving around the room. Well, they’re talking to me. But they’re looking at other people looking around and you know that you’re just going to get dropped as soon as somebody “more important”, whatever, whatever that means to them. And it just makes you feel unimportant. And I just recorded an episode, which will also be out, I don’t know if it’s coming out before this or after this, about networking for introverts. And I did it with my friend Rod Baker. And we were talking and one of the things Rod said is, he’s been that person. The odd person out because you don’t know anybody. So when he goes to a networking event, rather than going to the clique, the people, he looks for the most uncomfortable person in the room, and goes and introduces himself. And that again, is social currency, that is making that connection, seeing that someone else or as Rod said, “Sometimes look for the most uncomfortable person in the room. And if that’s you, look for the second most uncomfortable person in the room.” Right, so go ahead.

– And that reminds me, well, I actually talk on this, I’ll be speaking at the Special Event Show, this will probably drop after the Special Event Show on networking. And one of the terms that I use from networking group, it’s from a book called I’m forgetting the name of the book. But the term is called “relationship arrogance”. It’s called “The City of Influence,” “City of Influence.” And relationship arrogance is judging somebody by what’s the return from that person. And that wedding planner was looking over your show looking for the next person in room. I’ve a very similar experience with an elite wedding planner, I don’t know if it’s the same person. But this person who I engaged with, would look at me and just focus on me. And it was really cool, because he was, now I’m giving away he was a very big deal. But he would look at me, and he would focus on our conversation. And then you knew when that conversation was over, he would thank you, and then he would move on to the next person. But he wouldn’t let somebody else who would come in and be like, “Hey, hey, good to see you.” And they’re tapping him on his shoulder, he’d be like, “Just a moment, let me finish this conversation.” And then he focused on the next person. And so we sometimes are always looking for the bigger, better deal with a bigger, better person that we could make relationships with. But finding that person who maybe looks awkward is uncomfortable or by themselves. I was at a networking event for NSA. And somebody came to-

– National Speaker Association.

– National Speakers Association, and it was a mixer. And this person’s first NSA event. And they came up to me and we just started having a conversation. I didn’t know who he was, he didn’t seem like a big deal. But he came in and we just had an authentic relationship. And as we started talking, I found out that he was none other than the mascot who started the Phillie Phanatic. But nobody knows his face, because he was under this costume.

– The green monster

– But he was one of the most iconic mascots of our time. And he has this great platform. And it was just really cool and refreshing, because he didn’t see himself as this big huge deal. But he’s done amazing things. And so I think also with social capital and currency, we can’t be beyond who we are. And there’s so many people who, I always try and be gracious to everybody. Because I think about the other times when people like yourself have been gracious to me and given their time because you never know where that person may be in your life later on.

– You ever hear the expression? Always be nice to people on the way up because you might need them on the way down?

– I think I have, but I don’t know it like you do.

– So National Speakers Association is a great example. because it’s just like being in the wedding industry we have our association with people. And we know people at our, again, we call it NSA and it’s the other NSA were the ones that speak not the ones that listen. And there are people some very, very high powered people you could just walk up to and have a chat and there’s some people you can tell that they are celebrities, whether it’s earned or not, but they want to be seen that way and there are some people and I know some people that know some of them and that like “Oh they’re really nice, they’re really whatever.” But it’s transactional. They’re hanging with you because they feel they can get something from you. One of the things that I do at our conferences, National Speakers Association conferences, is when there is assigned seating for a lunch or a dinner I don’t request assigned seating. I say just put me somewhere. And they’ll always come to me and say, “Hey, Alan, you didn’t ask for a table to be at.” I said “Good, just good” “Where’s the table with an empty seat? Just put me there.” And that’s how I meet people. Not transactional because there’s so many people that I can send an email or call up. And some of these people are very, very high powered speakers and authors, because I met him at lunch or because I met him at dinner because just hanging with them. And there’s that social currency. Again, I have a bookshelf and one shelf on my shelf is speakers that I know that are authors where I’ve read their book, thought it would be a helpful book for some of my customers. And I’ve gotten signed copies of their books that I can give. Now some of them gave me the book for no charge. Some said, “Hey, just pay the shipping.” Some said, “Pay my cost.” One of them actually said, “I don’t have any of my books.” because we use a big publisher. And I actually went on Amazon, this was Jay Baer. I went on Amazon and Jay Baer is a big deal on social media and stuff. And I bought copies on Amazon, sent them to Jay, he signed them, sent them to his co-author who signed them and sent them to me, right? And again, this is a thing where, who am I? I’m some guy in the wedding industry. Now in the industry, some people are like, “No, you’re not some guy, you’re Alan Berg.” But I’m not, I’m just Alan Berg, because this is me, right? And the social currency of can you buy it? Can you buy it? And I think you could buy it temporarily. But I think people are going to see through that, they’re going to see that. Do you know Adam Grant? Adam Grant is a professor at Wharton, you should know Adam Grant, Professor at Wharton. And he has a lot of great books. And the most recent one that I read is called “Give and Take.” And he talks about how some people are givers, some people are takers, and some people are matchers.

– Yes.

– And the most successful people are givers. But also some of the least successful people are givers because they get taken advantage of.

– Yes.

– A matcher is someone who says “Listen, I’ll do for you, but I expect you to do for me.” And a taker is you’ll do for me, and then you’ll do for me again. And then you’ll do for me again, right? And the takers and the matchers, takers can get things from people but that doesn’t necessarily make them successful. And you definitely not building up social currency if you’re a taker. A matcher, you can build some, but the givers what you described with me and what I’ve seen you do so many times as well, is we’re giving for the sake of giving, we’re not giving for the sake of getting. And do we build this social currency? Yes. Do we abuse the social currency? No.

– And one of the words that I thought of while you were talking about this and I’ve used this a lot, the word is congruency. Are you congruent? Are you the same person on stage and off stage, whatever your stage may be, it may be speaking, it may be in front of your clients, whatever it may be, are you that same person that people like to work with? And so being congruent is very important. Also part of the National Speakers Association is called, they have one of their values. It’s called abundant generosity, abundant generosity. And they talk about when they first started the the association of the founder, named Cavett Robert talked about growing the association by building a bigger pie. Why does he use the pie? Because a lot of speakers were saying there’s not enough pie for us. Well, let’s just make the pie bigger, the slices get bigger. So with abundant generosity, more opportunities happen, rising tide lifts all ships. So I preach by that, I live by that, I am constantly giving, I’m constantly educating. And also with that, I have a brand. And people actually know me as that person. So just kind of dovetailing into a slightly different topic. But being known for your abundant generosity, being known for your social currency. People want to give back to you as well.

– What you said about answering the phone, I answered the phone on a Sunday, two Sundays ago, I was working out, the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but it didn’t look like the potential spam. Do you get calls from that person? Potential spam? It’s a funny name, but I see it on the caller ID. – I got about three of those today.

– Yeah, potential spam. It’s amazing how many people are named that? Anyway, but the phone rang. And I was like, “Well, what’s the worst that can be is, it spam.” Well, what’s the best that it could be, it could be a customer.” And it turned out it was somebody who was reading one of my books and was two thirds of the way through and I say in the book, “If you have any questions call me.” And she did. And I answered the phone. And we had a conversation and I ended up referring her to somebody and she’ll eventually do a consultation with me and she actually sent me a little gift because she’s also an artisan and she sent me a little gift. But I was just being me. I wasn’t trying to be someone else. I wasn’t trying to put on a persona. It wasn’t transactional because she hasn’t paid me any money at this point other than buying a book, which is certainly enough but the abundant generosity is, there’s so many ways you could describe this if you’ve read “The Secret,” or watched the movie, “The Secret.” My uncle Arnold Patent who wrote books, starting in the 80s, he was on Oprah when she was in Chicago, and his first book was called, “You Can Have It All.” And “You Can Have It All” was about the laws of attraction and stuff like that. And who was it that said, “You can have anything you want in this world as long as you’re willing to help other people have theirs first.” You remember who that was?

– I don’t.

– Famous, famous, famous speaker. So that was, of course I’m forgetting it now. What that was, oh, Gosh, somebody’s yelling it…

– Zig Ziglar?

– I think it was Zig.

– Jim Rhome

– It was either Zig or… No, give me another big speaker on sales. Why I’m I blanking? Harvey Mackay or one of those people, we’re going to get this wrong. So somebody’s going to tell us who’s right on that one.

– Gittomer.

– No it wasn’t Gittomer because Gittomer would have dropped three F bombs in there.

– Exactly.

– But you can have anything you want, as long as you’re willing to help other people get what they want first. And that’s the thing is, it’s not the matching, it’s the giving that gets you. I’ve found in my life, I’ve gotten so much more by giving and sharing. And not thinking of everything in terms of a transaction that “Okay, I’m going to do this, but what are you going to do for me.” And whenever I’ve put the money first, it’s always not come out either well, or just failed. Because it’s inconsistent with my personality and my brand, to do it because of the money.

– And I think when you give people now learn more about you, your brand, your expertise especially, because there are going to come times where maybe, let’s say, there’s a competitor or somebody who is in your same field, you’re going for the same type of events, gigs, whatever it may be. But if you’re giving to that person, giving them advice, whatever, they’ve leveled up. They can’t do the event. They automatically think of you. Well, I’ve learned a lot from Rob, and I can’t do this event, I’m going to send that referral to Rob. And so I think that’s one of the best things, you can’t give in hopes of them eventually giving back to you. But I think the idea is that you give and then it eventually comes back. Some people I don’t believe in karma, or I do believe in karma, whatever it may be. It will come back to you.

– I don’t believe in karma this time around, is that?

– Exactly, this time around.

– It doesn’t work that way. So I thought of two other books. The first one is Bob Burg, no relation, B-U-R-G, “The Go Giver?”

– Yes.

– It’s a little parable book, again talks about giving more than getting, that’s a great thing.

– Working with with people we know, like, and trust.

– Exactly. And they’re going to know like and trust you if you show up, they’re going to like and trust you if you’re not talking about yourself, asking you about them. I forget the book I was listening to recently where it’s a great question. I might have mentioned this to you when we were in the UK recently. But you go to a networking event, you meet somebody for the first time and they say, “Hi, my name is Rob, what’s your name?” They tell you their name, you say “So what do you do?” And they say what they do. But then asked the question. “So what do you love about that?” And people light up, they just light up and that emotional feeling of what they’re feeling right now when they’re lighting up is connected with you now. And now they like you. It’s a great second question. Because what you do is not your identity, why you love doing that is your identity. And then the other book that I thought of was, “How Full Is Your Bucket.” And it’s another kind of a parable book where they talk about the fact that Rob, you have a bucket and I have a bucket. And if I say something nice to you, I’m filling your bucket, but I’m also filling my bucket. And if I say something not nice, I’m dipping into your bucket, but I’m also dipping into my bucket. So understanding that when you say something nasty about someone or whatever, you’re not only dipping into their bucket, but you’re also taking away some of your and we can call it here, your social currency, you’re also taking away some of that. And the idea of giving to someone else, which is making it more abundant is, you’re better off when you help someone else be better off. And there’s that social currency again. So, if you’re not keeping a ledger of, okay you owe me, because there’s the matching, right?

– What’s the score.

– Well, exactly what’s the score? And I think at certain points in our lives, we’ve all thought about that, “Hey if I do this for them, I’m ever going to get paid back?” Whatever that means. But I’m so far past that and I know you are as well, where it’s like, how can I help other people? And if something good comes for me, great, but did I help them? Do I feel better? Do I have social currency just because of the fact that I made that person feel better?

– Yeah, and one more point before we wrap things up. Once you started talking about that, I’m actually doing a presentation for my NSA chapter. And it’s about “Show up, showcase, and sell”. And these are a lot of things that I learned from you and I have put a lot of time into just showing up and being present. And the reason I put the word showcase is sometimes we are doing in helping people for free or we’re giving of our time, I call that as a showcase of what you can do. And then the last thing I learned from another speaker, Ty Bennett, I’m not too sure if he coined this phrase, but I learned it from him and it’s called, “Be interested, not interesting.” So whenever you go into that conversation, don’t make it about you make it about them. And that’s what you said is, when you ask them, “What is it about your job that you like?” They immediately light up and they go into a different thing instead of like, “So tell me what you do?” Maybe start with a question is, “What is it about?”

– What do you love?

– What you do that you love?

– I did this, I was doing sales training in Ohio for this group that has been used in catering and stuff. And there was a young lady there in her 20s and she was not that long with the company. And I said this, “What do you do?” And she said, “Well, I’m a catering sales manager.” And I said, “So what do you love about that?” And her face lit up and she just got emotional and passionate about it. And it blew me away, because I wasn’t expecting that much of an emotional reaction from this. But what it did now is it got her to express to me what she loves about what she does, which will then help me help her, help her sell, help her do more of that. And that the person that walks into a networking event with a handful of business cards, and says “I’m not done until I’ve handed them out.” Yeah, they’re all going to be in the trash by the end of the day. If somebody asks you for your card, because they want to know more, and they want to be connected with you. That’s a different story. So Rob, we could do this all day.

– We could.

– We probably have. We could do this all day. But I love the idea. Thank you so much for suggesting this idea. Once again, thank you for carrying my stuff. When are you getting into Anaheim? I might need some help again, when is this?

– Yeah, I’ll be there on Monday. But I think I’ll be at Disneyland that day. So I apologize.

– Okay. I think it’s Tuesday that I need the help. So I might elicit there, will see.

– I will be there. I mean, I start off the day for those of you who’ve already been to the show, I got to start off the day with a whole presentation on networking, which I’m very passionate about. So I get to start off the conference,

– Absolutely.

– With a networking presentation.

– Absolutely. Well, I look forward to seeing you there which will have been before this airs. So thank you for seeing me in Anaheim. And thank you for suggesting this topic. And for those of you listening, remember, your giving is building your social capital, it’s not the taking that gets that. Thank you for the topic, Rob. We’ll come up with another topic. I’ll have you back on.

– Thank you so much.

I’m Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you’d like to suggest other topics for “The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast” please let me know. My email is [email protected]. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

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