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published article by Alan Berg for engaged couples on why they should hire wedding pros and other tips
I like to joke that when I got married, in 1983, they told me where and when to show up, and that was the end of my involvement. It’s funny (maybe), but not really true. While we didn’t have access to the Internet, or local magazines (there were only a couple of national magazines), I do remember driving around to look at venues with my fiancée. I also remember driving her around to dress shops looking for the perfect dress. I remember going to countless jewelry stores trying to find the right setting for the engagement ring and matching wedding bands. We knew we were getting engaged, but I was still able to surprise her with the ring, the one she’d suspected I’d gotten, but wasn’t sure.
While it feels now like I wasn’t that involved, I really was more than I let on. That said most of the details about design were made without me. I didn’t choose a single flower. The colors were not my idea. The tuxedo style was chosen without me (at least I got to get fitted). The band, which my parents paid for, was the same one that played my sister’s wedding the year before.
So what do I wish I’d known before, that I know now (after being around the wedding industry for over 22 years)? I don’t think I realized the significance of the day. Sure, I knew it was special, but no one took the time to explain that it’s really two parts: the ceremony and the reception. I always looked at it as one, cohesive event, especially since we had our ceremony at the reception venue. I don’t remember our vows, I imagine they were the standard, by-the-book phrases.
The ceremony is really the wedding. The reception is a party to celebrate the fact that we just got married, and to share that with our family and friends. Had we understood that, we probably would have looked at the details of our party differently. We should have asked ourselves; how would we throw a party for our friends and family? What should the food be? What should the music be? How much of the formal, ceremonial staging would we have wanted? I don’t really know. Since we didn’t know any better, we may have still had all of the same things. Or maybe, we would have cared less about what others had done and made it more of our own. That’s more common now with personalized details being so creative and imaginative. Back then it felt like the wedding “had” to follow a certain protocol.
So, when I have the chance to speak with engaged couples now, I give this advice:
• It’s your wedding, but it’s a party for your friends and family. Don’t be selfish, be grateful that they want to share in the celebration of your marriage and invite the people you really want to be there.
• Hire the best professionals you can afford. It’s not the movies, there are no second takes, there are no do-overs. You’ll never be proud that you cheaped-out when something goes wrong (yes, hire a professional wedding planner and professional videographer).
• Don’t freak out. There’s a good chance that something will not go as planned, maybe something small, maybe something bigger. If you hired the right wedding pros, they’ll take care of it.
Ask anyone who’s been married for even a little while and they’ll tell you that the day itself goes by in the blink of an eye. Take in what’s happening; the sights, the sounds, the wonderful aromas. Most of all enjoy the planning and enjoy the day. I wish you lots of love and happiness.
This is an article I wrote that was recently printed in Beautiful Bride Magazine www.BeautifulBrideMagazine.com
If you’d like a copy of the PDF or text to share, please email me