How do you overcome imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is defined by Google as “doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.” This listener suggestion came from Meg Ramos and I’m so glad she suggested it. I’ve had my moments of self-doubt, wondering why I’m the one that has been given some of the opportunities or how I got to be the expert, without going to school specifically for this. It’s a trait common to successful people, maybe even you.
Listen to this new 7-minute episode for some clarity on imposter syndrome and how you can view it in a different light.
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– How do you overcome impostor syndrome? Listen to this episode, find out what I’m talking about. I got a listener’s suggestion about overcoming impostor syndrome. Now, if you don’t know what that is, it’s defined as… Loosely defined, according to Google, as “doubting your ability as in feeling like a fraud.” “It disproportionately affects high-achieving people who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments, many question whether they’re deserving of accolades.” This happens to a lot of people. It happens to actors and musicians. It happens to people in all kind of businesses and actually all parts of life where people are feeling like, “Wait a minute, why am I so popular?” Or, “Why do I get these awards?” Or, “Do I really deserve these things that I’m getting here?”
And that’s what impostor syndrome is. It’s actually, from what I’ve heard and read about, it’s actually a good thing because the opposite of that is people who are trying to say that they deserve the accolades or trying to get the attention, but they haven’t done the work and they haven’t done the things to try to really prove that they deserve to be where they are. There are people in our industry that are both ways on this. There are people with impostor syndrome that are like, “Gee, why is everybody following me? Well, I’m just doing my job here, right?” And yet people love what they do and they’re trying to elevate them. And then there are other people who are out there touting themselves and they haven’t really necessarily done the things that some other people have done to deserve the accolades but yet they want to get those accolades there.
So I know I’ve had this myself. I remember there was one point, a bunch of years ago, quite a few years ago, where I kind of looked myself in the mirror and said, “Why you? Like, what makes you the expert? What did you do?” Because a lot of what I’ve learned, just like many of you, I’ve learned by doing. I’ve learned by making mistakes. I’ve learned by trying things, and sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. And there was no certification for me. I mean, yes, I’m a Certified Speaking Professional and Global Speaking Fellow, but in terms of the sales knowledge that I have, or the way that I teach people, or things like that, I didn’t go to school for that. We were all a product of all of our experience and all the things that we’ve done and I remember asking myself that question, “So why you? Why are you the one that’s being asked to fly around the world and speak about the business, or weddings and events, and in the different jobs and things that I’ve had?” And that was my impostor syndrome moment. And I’m sure I’ve had others throughout the years, but there was a big one there a big reflection, self-reflection thing, where, “Why me? Why am I the one that’s been given these particular opportunities?”
And of course, we’re not just given these opportunities, we earn the opportunities because we are in the right place with the right experience and the right skills to do whatever that is. I’ve mentioned this on another one, the Roman philosopher Seneca said that luck is when opportunity meets preparation, right? So the opportunity, we were able to see, but we were also prepared to take advantage of that opportunity. Impostor syndrome is when you have that moment of self-reflection like I’ve had, which is, “Why me? Why am I the one here? And why are people treating me this way or giving me these opportunities when there would seemingly be other people that could also have these things? So what have I done?” And really what it is, is you’ve earned that. You’ve earned it getting there and the fact that you have impostor syndrome means.
To me, I feel it means that you’ve earned it honorably because you’ve done the work and you’ve done the things that put you in the position to be able to get those accolades or to get those opportunities there as opposed to just saying you want them you’ve actually already done the work without necessarily going for that particular goal, the opportunity handed to you. Same thing with me, I’ve spoken in many countries, 14 countries so far, and those were opportunities that came to me because of the other things that I’ve done, which allowed me to be in that position to earn that right to do that. Now, I can still pinch myself and say, “Why does somebody want to fly me to Dubai, or to India, or to Australia?” Or, “I’m headed to the UK at the end of this week. Why?” Well, I was in the right place at the right time, maybe, but I also have done the work to be there.
So I’ve accepted that. I don’t have the impostor syndrome in that way, but I also don’t have the celebrity… How would I call this? My goal is not celebrity. I don’t do what I do for the attention. I do what I do for the results that people get because of what they hear from me, read from me, watch, whatever it is. That’s why I do what I do. Anytime I put the money first, that hasn’t worked out for me so I never put the money first. The money comes because of the value that I bring to others. That’s a life lesson I learned a long time ago. Put the money first, it’s a disingenuous goal for me. And maybe, again, that’s why I can have the impostor syndrome and say, “Well, gee, people are paying me this much to speak, or train, or whatever it is. But I’ve earned that through what I’ve done and the results that I’ve provided to people. So I’m comfortable with that now.” And I got over that moment, which might have been a moment, a day, a week, a month, whatever it was of impostor syndrome, wondering, “Well, how did I get here? What did I do to deserve this?”
That’s what impostor syndrome is. So getting over that, I would say if you focus on the value you’re bringing to other people, if you’re bringing high value to other people and they’re satisfied with those results and they’re paying you fairly because of that, and you’re satisfied with what you’re getting paid, be comfortable with that and understand you’re not an impostor if you’re bringing value to other people that way. You’re an impostor if you’re saying that you deserve the accolades, but you haven’t done the work and you don’t deliver the results. That’s a real impostor. But if you’re delivering the results, and you’re happy with it, and the customers are happy with it, you’re not an impostor. You are unique. You are who you are. I hope that gives you something to think about.
I’m Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you’d like to suggest other topics for “The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast” please let me know. My email is [email protected]. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.
Listen to this and all episodes on Apple Podcast, YouTube or your favorite app/site:
- Apple Podcast:
- YouTube: www.WeddingBusinessSolutionsPodcast.tv
- Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3sGsuB8
- Stitcher:
- Google Podcast:
- iHeart Radio: https://ihr.fm/31C9Mic
- Pandora:
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