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Gavin Macomber - Should you be texting with your customers - Alan Berg CSP - Wedding Business Solutions PodcastPhil Johnson – Building your emotional intelligence

Every decision we make involves emotions, some more than others. When it comes to your business, and life, there are forces pulling you to stay where you are, don’t change, and those are competing with your desire to move forward. It also can affect your business, in that when people trust you more, they will want to do business with you more. Phil Johnson has spent the last 20+ years studying and teaching Emotional Intelligence, which is not the same as intellectual intelligence.

Listen to this episode for an engaging conversation that will help you understand emotional intelligence better, and some things you can do to improve yours!

Connect with Phil:

Phil Johnson, is the founder of the Master of Business Leadership program. To find out more about Phil, use these links:

Subscribe to Phil’s Master of Business Leadership Newsletter ==> https://lnkd.in/dqxVrFZK

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– Emotional intelligence. What is it, and how does it relate to your business and your personal and business success? Listen to this episode and find out. Hi, it’s Alan Berg. Welcome back to another edition of the “Wedding Business Solutions” podcast. I am so honored to have Phil Johnson on, he’s an executive coach for the past 21 years. He’s helped companies earn over a billion and a half dollars. And what does that mean to you? You’re going to want to hear about emotional intelligence. Phil, thank you so much for joining me today.

– Well, and it’s a pleasure. I’m happy to be on your show.

– Well, thank you. So when you had reached out to me, emotional intelligence, I hear that a lot in the speaking world, because I go to speakers conferences and there are people that speak on emotional intelligence. And I think a lot of people don’t really understand what that is and how that relates to what they do, whatever it is that they do. So I thought let’s talk about that here. So first things first. Emotional intelligence, what would be the definition and how is that different than what people think of as intelligence.

– Two great questions. Emotional intelligence differs dramatically from intellectual intelligence. In that it’s developed through an experiential process. Intellectual intelligence is largely genetic. Your ability to process intellectually. If your parents had 160 IQ, you have high IQ, their parents had a high IQ and you inherited those genes. The development of emotional intelligence is not something you’re born with, it’s something you do. It’s something you develop by doing what I call “emotional labor” and anybody can develop their emotional intelligence. And you see Berkeley has determined through for a 40 year study that emotional intelligence is at least 400% more important than intellectual intelligence in determining success.

– Well, and then your history. I was reading back in your bio, you as a child, you were considered a slow learner.

– Absolutely.

– But then you went on to incredible success, including college, you were, what, in electrical engineering, five years, electrical engineering and in corporate world. What was the switch there? I mean, they said you were a slow learner. was that true or misdiagnosis of something else or boredom or.

– No, it was true. See back I’m 68 years old. And back in those days, there was no such things as dyslexia or ADD or ADHD. You were just considered a slow learner, a special needs person, and that’s true. But because I had the, now what I refer to as good fortune of being born with dyslexia, it forced me to do a lot of what I refer to as emotional labor because my brain doesn’t work the way most people’s brains work. It’s like a blind person that develops great hearing as a compensation. My dyslexia, because my brain doesn’t work the way most people’s brains work. It forced me to rely more on my intuition and do the kind of emotional labor that I never would’ve done if I hadn’t been born with dyslexia.

– So what do you mean by emotional labor?

– Whenever, we take an action that causes us to leave our comfort zone as a part of our old lizard brain called the amygdala that for the last 500 million years has been trying to keep us safe and wide by making sure we never change. So what happens is it’s a hormone into our bloodstream called cortisol. It causes the executive center of our brain or prefrontal cortex to shut off. And we go into what psychologists refer to as an amygdala hijack, fight, flight or freeze mode. Some people lash out, some people run away. Some people freeze like a deer in the headlights. And when that happens in conflict situations, people die. And when it happens in business or personal situations, relationships die, we burn trust. So as that analogy, if you think of you’re a amygdala as a very frightened four year old child, the development of our emotional intelligence acts like a big brother or a big sister to quiet the amygdala response down and better enable us to feel the fear and anxiety that change in innovation always creates in us and moves through it towards the vision of our desired results, as opposed to allowing our anxiety to keep us trapped in our comfort zones. And that’s that process doing that emotional labor does three things, has three outcomes. It develops our emotional intelligence. It raises our level of consciousness about what’s going on in us and around us. And it enables us to become inspirational leaders that people want to emulate.

– Well, those are all great outcomes. So how do you develop your emotional intelligence? How do you work through that, what is that labor? What is that labor that you talk about that you need to do to move through that.

– You can’t get better results with your current habits. Your current habits are getting you your current results, but they can’t get you better results. If you want better results than you’re currently getting, you have to develop better habits, which requires you to leave your comfort zone, which triggers the amygdala hijack. So the first step is to form an emotional connection to a desired result. That’s greater than the fear and anxiety that’s going to be produced when you begin to move towards it.

– Okay.

– That’s called a fuel for the journey.

– Okay. All right. So visualize what you want to achieve and then the pain that you have to do to get there. And the gain has to be better than the pain for you.

– Right, let me also compare the difference. Let me give you one numerical comparison. The difference between IQ and EQ let’s think of intellectual intelligence, as somebody giving you $10,000 a day for 31 days. So at the end of 31 days, you’ve got $310,000. Think of emotional intelligence as a penny, somebody giving you a penny that doubles in value every day for 31 days, day one, you’ve got a penny day two, you’ve got two pennies, day 31, you’ve got $10.7 million. And if you continue day 40, you’ve got over 5 billion, day 50, you’ve got over 5 trillion. The point is that it doesn’t take any more effort to go from day 30 to day 31 than it did to go from day one to day two. So the ROI in developing your emotional intelligence keeps getting greater and greater and greater at an exponential rate. There are organizations individuals I’ve been working with for over 13 years because the ROI keeps getting greater and greater and greater. It’s hardest in the very beginning because the development of emotional intelligence is an experiential process, not an intellectual process. You can’t develop it by reading a book or having a conversation or watching a video it’s based on what you do. So initially, to get on this path, it always requires a leap of faith because you can only connect the dots in hindsight. And very often that leap of faith is the result of pain and urgent desire for better results than you’re currently getting. That motivates you to take the leap. You can only connect the dots in hindsight.

– So people talk about how these days people don’t have any attention span and they want everything right now. And our things like Amazon are training us for that. So this need for immediate gratification, we have to get past that to get to there’s bigger gain here than today. Is this like, don’t eat the marshmallow.

– Yep.

– Okay. You can have one marshmallow an hour or one marshmallow in 30 minutes. The Stanford study done in the late ’60s.

– Right, two marshmallows in 30 minutes, one now or two in 30 minutes, right.

– Sorry. Yeah.

– That’s okay. When we’re not focused, all there ever is, is the present moment. There will never be a future moment and there are no past moments. All there is, is the present moment our ego doesn’t want us to ever live in the present moment. It wants us to feel greater than, or less than, but never equal to. So the process of becoming emotionally intelligent of becoming less resistive, less judgemental and less attached to the outcome is the key to success. It’s the key to both career and personal success. As a matter of fact, I guarantee it. You can’t go through this process and not experience dramatically better results. It’s impossible. But the process is harder than hell. The development of emotional intelligence is harder than hell and nobody would ever do it. There’s three primary sources of resistance we have to change. Two are biological one’s sociological. I won’t get into it unless you’re interested in it, but I believe we’re at a tipping point as a species, making more money, generating more revenue advancing in your career is easy. But I think there’s a bigger issue here. We have a tsunami of change coming at us and a 500 million year old brain that doesn’t like change. And we really need to be developing our emotional intelligence to be able to deal with the fear and anxiety that that’s going to create in all of us and be able to move through it as opposed to allowing that fear and anxiety, to keep us trapped in our comfort zone so that we become more resistant, more judgemental, more attached to outcome. So I think unfortunately this generation of people living on the planet have a huge challenge in front of us. And I think that our educational system has completely failed us and our employment system has completely failed us. We’re moving, some scientists estimate that we’re going to experience the equivalent of 20,000 years worth of change in the century.

– Wow.

– And we are completely unprepared for the drama, chaos, and conflict, that’s going to trigger in us. I think that the emotional, I think that emotional intelligence is going to become a multi-trillion dollar a year industry. And by developing your emotional intelligence and your listeners may be interested in what I’m about to say next. The development of your emotional intelligence will enable you to out-care your competition. It’ll enable you to develop trusted-advisor relationships with the people you seek to serve that your competitors simply can’t compete against unless they’re developing their emotion intelligence as well. And I’ll give you a great example of that if you’re interested.

– Sure.

– There’s a company who’s almost entire hiring process is based on the search for people with above average levels of emotional intelligence. And they’re currently doing over a trillion dollars a year in sales.

– All right, that limits the number of companies there.

– That company is Apple, right? That’s why when you walk into an Apple store, the energy you feel is an example of a more emotionally intelligent environment. They’re not trying to sell you anything. They’re trying to understand your pain and if possible, offer a solution. They want you to have a great experience. And maybe you’ll tell your friends and maybe they’ll tell their friends. There’s the energy in that environment because of the emotional intelligence of the people in it is a very different energy from the stores around it. And really emotional intelligence represents the future of organizational development. More and more companies, Apple, Google, Southwest Airlines, JetBlue Airlines, Whole Foods, FedEx and others are hiring, promoting and developing emotional intelligence.

– Does Trader Joe’s do that, because I notice.

– They might, I don’t know. I’ve been in trader Trader Joe’s before. It does seem to be a more relaxed, open environment.

– Well, what I notice there and I use this example is when I’m speaking sometimes is if there’s someone unpacking boxes and stacking a shelf at a Trader Joe’s and you say, “Excuse me, could you tell me where the tomato sauce is?” They get up and they walk you over there. But what you never hear is Before they do that, they just do it with a smile. And even if you say no, just tell me where it is. “No, no, no, it’s okay.” And they walk you over there. So I’ve always thought that they must be hiring based upon I called it personality, but really it’s emotional intelligence.

– Yeah, I think you’re right, Alan. And I think there’s another important thing to mention here as well, because we’ve evolved in society of herds, over millions of years. We’ve had to develop the ability to differentiate, who’s trying to help us and who’s trying to eat us. So we have these specialized brain cells in our prefrontal cortex that brain scientists refer to as mirror neurons. I call them bullshit meters. That’s why you could have a conversation with somebody or walk into a room and sense the energy in the room. So people can sense whether you’re being real or not. People can sense whether you’re trying to help them or you’re just trying to manipulate them for your own benefit. See if some, there’s something called the “trust economy”. Because the rate of changes is increasing at such a rapid rate. We’re relying more and more on our network of trusted advisors to make decisions it’s currently estimated at over $10 trillion a year and is growing much faster than the traditional economy. So our ability to demonstrate trustability to earn trust is directly related to our level of emotional intelligence. See if somebody doesn’t trust you they’ll find a way not to do business with you. Even if you have the best price and the best technology. Conversely, if they do trust you, if they view your success and their success as connected, they’ll find a way to do business with you, even if you don’t have the best price or the best technology.

– Right, if you didn’t hear that, people will pay more because they trust you more and they will avoid the cheap solution because they don’t trust that person. So let’s bring this around full circle. People get into the wedding and event industry very often following a passion, following a craft. Something that they’re good at. Business may be not that thing that they’re good at. Sales is an important part of business because without sales, you have a hobby, you don’t have a business. You could be really good at something, but that just that my wife is really good at making jewelry. She doesn’t sell it, she’s got a hobby there. So in this process where people are coming to you for, and I kind of equate this to Apple. People walk into an Apple store, they’re already a potential buyer because they could have walked into the shoe store, but they didn’t. They walked into the Apple store. People make an inquiry with you as an officiant, as a florist, as a caterer, as a venue, as a band because they’re already interested. So at that point, just like the Apple store, you have to connect with them and find out how do I solve your problem, how do I help you with that? That’s the emotional intelligence part. It’s not the, “Here’s the bullet point list of what I do.” Well, that’s very analytical.

– That’s intellectual.

– That’s intellectual, right? So that’s the intellectual intelligence. But the other part of it is do they like Bob Burg said in “The Go-Giver”, do they know like, and trust you. They do business with people they know like, and trust that’s the emotional intelligence part. So what would be some of the things, some of these discomforts, like you said, they have to get past this in emotional intelligence that might be holding back some of the listeners.

– So the first one I mentioned is our amygdala. Not one. Okay. The second one is our existing habits. Once we develop a habit, it’s a neural network pathway we create in our brain based on our actions. It’s there forever and even though we could develop new habits at any age, it’s called brain plasticity or neurogenesis. Those new habits are always going to be weaker than the old habits, even though they can be better. And there’s going to be an internal battle for control between the old habits and the new habits. So that’s the second source of biological resistance we have to change. The third is sociological. Meaning the people around us don’t want us to change because if we change and we start to get better results, maybe they’re going to have to change. And that scares the hell out of them. And the best way to ensure they don’t have to change is to make sure we fail. So they can say, look, I told you now get your head down and come back into the herd with the rest of us. So those are the three significant sources of resistance to change.

– Okay. So does this have anything to do with, like, you’d say somebody has a glass half full mentality or glass half empty mentality.

– Yep.

– Right, so the glass half full mentality are people that are more open to change, is that it?

– Yeah. There’s something I haven’t mentioned here and it’s maybe part of a shorter or longer conversation I’ve been proving over the last 21 years that there’s an energy physics underlying all of this underlying all of the drama, chaos, and conflict we experience everywhere in the world. And it has to do with our giving away of energy. See, we’re only conscious about 3% to 5% of the time. The rest of the time, we’re relying on our unconscious habits to create our behaviors and our results. And when we’re born, let me just take, can I take three minutes and explain this?

– Sure, sure.

– When we’re born, we’re not born with a conscious mind our conscious mind doesn’t kick in until we’re about a year old. but we are born with an unconscious mind. And we start wiring up our brain immediately creating the habits in order for us to survive, to fit in, to get food, those kind of things. And a lot of those habits are what I refer to “victim habits”. And I’ll give you an example shortly. And they cause us to give away our energy unconsciously and when we’re giving away and we do it in a myriad of ways, how we communicate, listen, take responsibility, make decisions, all sorts of ways. But when we’re giving away our energy, it creates an energy deficit in us. So at the same time, we’re giving away our energy over here. We have to replace that energy by unconsciously, trying to steal the energy of other people over here. And that dynamic is going on inside of everybody everywhere, all the time, all over the world. And that is the root cause of all drama, chaos, and conflict, war everywhere in the world. So what I do is I show people how they’re unconsciously giving away their energy. And I give them better habits to practice, to stop doing that. And when they stop giving away their energy, the need to steal the energy of other people goes away because they don’t need it. And it’s in that process of developing those habits that you develop your emotional intelligence, you become more conscious of what’s going on in you and around you. And you become a more inspirational leader.

– Is that becoming a better listener? Like the need.

– Having a better.

– The need to talk, people have this need to talk. So in a sales, I hear this from my clients all the time. I talk and I talk and I talk, I want to tell them, I want to tell them, I tell them, but that’s the wrong kind of energy, right? You want to be asking, which is that getting them to talk, which is now getting the energy from them or.

– From a listening perspective, when you learn to lower your walls and not stop giving away your energy, you’re able to listen and hear what the other person is saying. When you raise your walls, which is what you’re describing you could still listen, but you’re no longer hearing, You’re no longer hearing the other person.

– Right, it’s interesting. When I always tell people the difference between listening and hearing, if you’re either in a relationship have children or whatever, there was a, it was Charlie Brown’s teacher in the cartoons the sound is happening, but we’re not actually paying attention to that. And again, if you think about the Apple store, if you think about someone making an inquiry to your business, anybody who is listening, the need has already been established. If you’re really listening, they will tell you the results that they want because I always tell people, don’t sell that bullet point list that intellectual intelligence list. Sell the results that this person wants. That’s why they came to you in the first place or even better results because they didn’t know what was possible.

– As you develop your emotional intelligence. What you’re really well, not selling is the wrong word, but what you’re really generating is love in whatever your product or service is, the more you learn, the more emotionally intelligent you become, the more that product or service you’re offering is a reflection of the love you have for the people you’re trying to serve. And that’s what comes across in your energy. That’s what comes across in your behavior that creates the attraction, the trust that helps people trust you and wants you to serve them, wants you to help them.

– Yeah, my uncle, which I mentioned before we started recording my uncle Arnold Patent. He wrote a book back in the ’80s called “You Can Have it All”. He uses the word “joy”. You’re using word love there, he used the word joy. You know that you’re, if you’re finding joy, you’re giving out that positive energy, again, Laws of Attraction, The Secret, whatever you want to call it. And I had mentioned to you, Phil, that when I first read that book, I thought he had lost his mind. I just thought he had lost his mind because I wasn’t ready to accept that. And as you were talking, some of the things that I was going to, I guess my unconscious mind was going to was when I got married, it changed my emotional intelligence. When I had children, it changed my emotional intelligence. When I became a boss, it be changed my emotional intelligence and all of these things that I had to work through. Some, I didn’t have a choice, like a child is here. You have to deal with that. I say you can’t run away from it. I guess some people do, but those type of things. So what would be the one or two things that people listening could work on? That would be the first step for them in either recognizing and then working through or exercises to improve their emotional intelligence so that people will trust them more.

– Here’s a real simple exercise. But before I tell you, the answer to your question is simply be more present in the moment. Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop going through your checklist. Stop trying to anticipate, just try and share the present moment with whoever you’re trying to serve. And a way to do that a simple way to do it, is focus on your breathing. Simply close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose, kind of fill your diaphragm and then slowly blow it out through your mouth. You see you can’t focus on your breathing. and be thinking at the same time. And by not thinking, it’ll enable you to be in the present moment. It’ll enable you to be more present in this moment. And the person most present is most influential. When our walls are up, we’re not in the present moment. We’re thinking about some future better moment or some past moment, but we’re not in that moment. And that makes it easy for the, that makes it easier for our egos to scare us into raising our walls. So instead of trying to love the person you’re serving, you’re trying to, it causes you to try and control and manipulate the person you’re supposed to be serving. And that’s what comes across in your energy level. The other thing I’ll say about sales, because I know you’re a sales trainer and you know this, purchasing is always an emotional decision first. And then after we’ve made the decision emotionally in the limbic part of our brain, then we search for features and benefits to justify intellectually the decision we’ve already made emotionally. So emotional intelligence enables you to out-care your competition and will have a massive effect on your revenue and career potential.

– So buyer’s remorse is when that balance is not there, then that you’ve made the emotional decision. But then the intellectual part says, wait a second, what did you do, is that it?

– It’s actually the emotional part that kicks in and says, it’s your ego saying, “Boy, did I screw up?” “Are people going to think I’m stupid?” “You know did I spend too much, am I really worth it?” Or “Do I really trust this person?”

– Right, so it’s coming back later. So the breathing and the present is that mindfulness is mindfulness.

– Yeah. So somebody might have, right.

– Being in the present moment is being mindful in the present moment. Not being in the present moment is being mindless.

– Ah, okay. Yeah, I said this from the stage before I learned how to be present when I started doing martial arts, because if I was thinking about the email that I wanted to send, all of a sudden Phil was going to hit me or kick me and you don’t have to get hit or kick too many times before. You’re like, you know what? I better pay attention.

– That’s also called being in the flow. And before we got on the, and I told you that a lot of what we’re talking about here in developing emotional intelligence is related to Navy Seal training or Samurai training. You see Samurai’s before they went into battle. And just let me give you enough. They made peace with the reality that they were very likely going to die. They made peace with their family. They made peace with themselves, which allowed them to be more in the present moment when they went into battle. The people they were battling against didn’t have that level of consciousness or emotional intelligence. So they were allowing their egos to move them out of the present moment. And they were thinking about a future or past moment, which made them less effective in defending themselves. And that’s the same thing with Navy Seal training. A lot of Navy Seal training is the ability to feel the fear and anxiety that high stress environments create in us, but stay conscious, stay in the moment You know people die when that happens.

– Yeah, I was listening to an audio book recently and it was talking about someone who was a swimmer, but he would swim like up in the Arctic and things like that. And before he would go swimming, he would think about all the possible bad things that could happen. And he’d run through all those possible scenarios in his mind. And then he would go ahead and he would succeed because he had already thought about those. And you know, what’s the worst that could happen. It’s actually funny. I’ve mentioned this before I went skydiving. We bought t-shirts that said “Skydiving, what’s the worst that could happen?” because we bought them after we came down. But that idea of, if you think about that, we just, I just went through this with my son who just took a new job. I said, “What’s the absolute worst that could happen?” We ran through all of that and you know what? It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that bad. The positive was so much better.

– And I often say the same thing I say, imagine worst case. Imagine the worst thing that can happen. And let’s say it does happen. Your worst fear materializes. Will you survive? Yeah. Okay. So if your very worst fear, see that’s your ego, trying to get you not to leave your comfort zone. Your ego knows all your little secrets, your worst fears. And it will use all of it to keep us from moving forward. But if you can say, look, if the very worst thing that can happen, happens, and I’m okay with that. Your ego loses its grip on you. Let me, can I give you another example

– Please?

– Of how we give away our energy?

– Yes.

– It’s also related to authentic listening. The key to authentic listening is not to take anything personally. If how I feel about me is based on how you feel about me, who’s in control of me, you or me?

– I am.

– Right. So that’s an example of how we give away our energy. If I need you to like me, in order for me to like me, I’m giving away my energy to you unconsciously, to determine whether I should like myself or not. And I think that’s one of the key feeding frenzies that go on within social media. People try to portray the best, very best version of themselves, they’re not being real. And they’ll do anything to get somebody to like them so that they can in turn like themselves. So they’re, it’s a no-win situation because their ego, their fear has paralyzed them. Their fear, their lack of emotional intelligence is causing them to give away their energy to everybody that will take it. And by the way, and this maybe gets into relationships.

– Okay.

– And energy physics. See, people that give what I call victims. People that give away their energy, a victim can’t exist in isolation. They travel in packs of other victims, but they don’t like each other. They don’t trust each other and they can never lower their walls around each other, but they need each other. It’s a codependent relationship. They’re stealing each other’s energy and they’re giving away each other’s energy. So to develop a healthy relationship, we have to learn to lower our walls. We have to become more emotionally intelligent. And when we do that, those are the type of people we’re going to inspire and attract into our lives. When we’re giving away our energy unconsciously, when we’re being resistive, judgemental, and attached to outcome, because of our egos, those are the kind of people we attract into our lives.

– So I just saw this online the other day. I apologize for interrupting you, but.

– Nope.

– It’s exactly this is, there was a post of someone who said, “Why do people feel that they need to tear people down online?” Somebody said something and then all the haters come in there. And other people there because I see that stuff and I don’t I if I have a comment, I want it to be a constructive comment. My goal is not to tear anybody down, because again, I do believe that when I’m tearing you down, it’s tearing me down at the same time. So this need for people online, for attention to post this negative comment, because they want the attention because they want the pack of about when I’m getting here, they want the other haters. And then the haters all jump on top. And then the positive voices are like, well, hey, I don’t want to be with you.

– It’s a codependent feeding frenzy. And what you’re describing is the scope of the challenge. Currently the current level of employee engagement worldwide, according to Gallup is around 13%. Low levels of employee engagement in the United States alone is costing the US economy over a trillion dollars a year. And there’s almost a one to one correlation, again, according to Gallup, between the level of employee engagement and the level of customer engagement. So if your employees don’t feel engaged, if they don’t feel safe, if they don’t feel safe to take risks in their environment, if they’re in a toxic work environment trying to steal their energy, then your customers aren’t going to feel engaged either. So the lack of emotional intelligence is costing organizations, massive amounts of revenue and profitability and relationship. It’s a huge, huge problem.

– So from a employer standpoint, your people and I was talking to somebody about this the other day. Their job satisfaction, which is their emotional intelligence is more important than their financial compensation.

– Absolutely.

– Because if people who are leaving a job, if they’re leaving a job that they love, that’s unusual that you would leave a job that you love. And again, some people do because the opportunity and there you go, but you’re leaving the job because you don’t love it. And the money doesn’t make that up. I’m actually in my industry, Phil, because I was in a job, I was making a lot of money and I hated it. I hated going to work every day, it was just such a drag.

– And you know Alan that, because you’re in that toxic environment, it was affecting your health.

– Oh yeah.

– And it affected the way you were with your family and people that you cared about because you can’t turn that off.

– Right. You’re actually describing what happened with one of my sons he left the job because it was causing all this trouble at home and he thought the trouble was at home, but it wasn’t the trouble was at work, but it just didn’t leave when you came there. So, all right. So we could clearly talk about this all day, but we do have to wrap this up at some point. So being more present, giving the other person again, I’m just trying to think from the standpoint of, let’s say in the sales process, you’re in a sales consultation on the phone, in person on a zoom call, whatever, and something, what would be something you want the listeners to pay attention to as to these are the signs that you are, or you’re not being present.

– Are you demonstrating trustability? Are you being less resistive, less judgmental, less attached to outcome? Are you actually in this moment or do you have a predetermined agenda that you want to achieve in the conversation? Are you in the moment with the person you’re speaking with or are you trying to get some agenda accomplished?

– Right, so are you doing your sales pitch? Let me get to the end of my sales pitch and I’m done. Or as I say, waiting for the other person to get to the period at the end of their sentence, because I’m going to tell you what I want to tell you anyway. Or are you actually listening? I’ve said this from the stage. Have you ever asked someone a question where you pretty sure you knew the answer and they said something totally different and your inside voice is like, really? Your outside voice is like, wow, that’s great. But your inside voice is like, wow, I wasn’t expecting that. There would be more of those moments if you’d just be open to it, right?

– Yep.

– Phil, thank you so much. So if people wanted to find out more about, you were going to put it into the show notes, but is there a website or because I know you have the Master of Business Leadership program, how would they find out more about you?

– The best way to reach me is through my LinkedIn profile. And I have a calendar on there. They can can jump on a zoom chat and have a conversation.

– Oh, that’d be great. Well, I’ll put that into the show notes. So I’ll put the link to LinkedIn on there. This has been enlightening for me. I hope it’s been enlightening for the listeners, Phil. I hope it’s been enlightening for you as well. Thank you to your team for reaching out to me about having you on here and helping us with our emotional intelligence.

– My pleasure, Alan. Thanks for the work you’re doing.

I’m Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you’d like to suggest other topics for “The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast” please let me know. My email is [email protected]. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

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©2022 Wedding Business Solutions LLC & AlanBerg.com

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